We are all well aware of the importance of intimacy in any relationship¹. There are various forms of intimacy in any relationship, with each having its significance in the relationship. But have you ever wondered what emotional intimacy is? This is a question that strikes almost every individual’s mind who believes that emotions have an important role in our lives.

Therefore, in this article, you will learn about its types, how to build it, and much more.

1. What Is Emotional Intimacy?

Intimacy in a relationship is not limited to physical or sexual intimacy². For any relationship to be successful, emotional intimacy is also required. The level of closeness one has with one’s partner is determined by emotional intimacy. Therefore, before we explore more aspects of emotional intimacy, we should first be well acquainted with “what is emotional intimacy?”

Emotional intimacy means experiencing a deeper connection with your partner and sharing your thoughts with them. It is an essential ingredient for a long-term relationship. It is a connection that makes a person feel safe with his partner, and he doesn’t feel vulnerable around them. If a person’s partner is in his comfort zone, then we can say that they are both emotionally connected with them. If you aren’t afraid of sharing your deepest thoughts and feelings with your partner, then you have no emotional distance.

1.1. The Importance of Building Emotional Intimacy in a Relationship

For a healthy relationship to exist, it is not only important to be physically intimate or have an extraordinary sexual life. If you aren’t comfortable sharing complex feelings in your relationships and do not have any emotional bond³ with your partner, then something is missing from your life.

Lack of emotional intimacy can lead to severe and drastic effects like communication gaps, relationship or marriage failures, a lack of understanding, and weaker bonds. Vulnerability is also an important aspect of building emotional intimacy.

2. Signs of Emotional Intimacy

The following signs will highlight whether your relationship is deep or has strong emotional intimacy. Peer-reviewed studies have shown that the following signs are important:

2.1. Open Conversation

If you and your partner do not hesitate to discuss anything from every perspective, that means you are emotionally intimate.

2.2. There Is No Communication Gap

There should be no miscommunication between the two for a successful or healthy marriage.

2.3. Strong Emotional Connection

If you can see that your partner is upset even without telling you, you have strong emotional intimacy.

2.4. You Feel Safe Around Your Partner

When you feel that there is no safe place except your partner and that your relationship is not bound just by physical or sexual intimacy, this is a sign of you being emotionally close.

2.5. Sense of Being Understood

Any relationship is incomplete if your partner is not understanding, which makes you emotionally vulnerable. Sometimes, we don’t need anyone’s suggestion; we only need to be understood. If this thing is not understood in a relationship, then the relationship might not last long.

3. How Do You Build Emotional Intimacy?

Our responsibilities for a happy marriage or successful relationship do not end with just figuring out emotional intimacy. To adjust to today’s fast-moving world, humans have become machines themselves. The modern lifestyle has deeply affected familial connections and also affected emotional intimacy. So, to build a good understanding, it is important to have strong emotional bonds with your partner.

To build emotional intimacy, here are a few things you can do:

3.1. Communicate with Your Partner as Much as Possible

Good communication helps to strengthen emotional intimacy and deepen bonds. Share everything with your partner. Talk about your fears and dreams. Do not hesitate to initiate a deep-level conversation with your partner. Relationships should not be limited to sharing positive feelings. Feel free to share your negative thoughts as well.

3.2. Spend Time

Take a break from your cell phones and laptops and give time to your relationships. If you want to build intimacy, go out on random dates with your partners and spend some quality time with them. It is an essential component of building emotional intimacy.

3.3. Be Emotionally Intimate

A relationship should not be limited to sexual or physical affection. You should not hesitate to support your partner emotionally for a healthy relationship to flourish. Acknowledge the other person’s perspective; don’t shy away from sharing your vulnerable side with them. Try to minimize the emotional distance, as this distance will make you feel lonely and isolated.

3.4. Do Not Let the Fights Win Over Your Relationship

Even after any fight, do not isolate yourself from your partner if you are angry. Most romantic relationships end when people start holding grudges. Instead, after a fight, talk with each other and resolve the fight. In this way, there will be equal communication even when you both have tough times, and your bond will remain unaffected by the fights.

3.5. Appreciate Each Other

To build a strong connection, do not forget to appreciate each other. It boosts the other person’s confidence and gives a perception of closeness with each other. Appreciating each other does not take much time, but it will surely add meaning to your partner’s life.

The Vital Role of Non-Verbal Cues in Therapeutic Sessions

Janelle Marshall, a Licensed Professional Counselor and a Self-Care Life Coach practicing in Houston, Texas, provides examples from therapy sessions where non-verbal communication played a crucial role in understanding and addressing emotional issues:

“Non-verbal communication during sessions may include head nodding, brow wrinkling, folded arms, and tearfulness.

From my experience, non-verbal communication during sessions fills the gaps that clients can’t always articulate during the healing process.

Depending on the cue, I may gently bring the non-verbal behavior to the client’s attention, and it may become a topic of discussion based on the context. 

From the therapist’s perspective, non-verbal cues can play a crucial role in understanding and addressing emotional issues in the following ways:

– Non-verbal cues sometimes provide context behind the client’s communication style.

– For therapists who have trouble communicating with clients who appear resistant to therapy, non-verbal cues have the potential to break the ice and/or ask follow-up questions.

– Non-verbal cues can be used as talking points for clients who may be hesitant to express what they’re truly feeling

– While attempting to diagnose and treatment plan effectively, non-verbal cues may have the potential to help the clinician properly conceptualize the client and diagnose accurately.”

4. What Is Emotional Intimacy: The Myths

There are certain myths related to emotional intimacy that should be cleared for a healthy relationship. It is important to know what emotional intimacy is and clear up misconceptions regarding it for a long-lasting relationship.

4.1. Emotional Intimacy Means Equal Communication

To build emotional intimacy, both partners must share their fears, dreams, and prospects equally. If your partner feels too burdened to listen to your thoughts, then they are not emotionally intimate with you.

4.2. You Can’t Build Emotional Intimacy

It is a myth that it can’t be built. To build emotional intimacy, you need to make small efforts. If you can put in these small efforts, like hearing each other’s problems and not overlooking each other, then you can easily build a strong emotional connection with each other.

4.3. Emotional Intimacy Only Exists in Romantic Relationships

It isn’t mandatory that to experience emotional intimacy, you need to have a partner. Emotional intimacy can be experienced in any relationship. You can connect emotionally with your parents, siblings, and friends.

4.4. Emotional Intimacy Means Always Agreeing with Each Other

It doesn’t always mean that you should agree to be emotionally intimate with each other. Everyone has their perspective and vision. It is about respecting each other’s differences. Emotional intimacy is not equal to supporting your partner in their wrong decisions. It’s about showing each other the correct path in their lives.

5. Why Do People Avoid Emotional Intimacy?

In certain cases, it has been observed that a person avoids being emotionally intimate. One or more of the reasons below can make a person reluctant to share their feelings with another person.

5.1. Past Trauma

This is the most common reason why people build a facade around themselves and are not emotionally connected to others. Betrayal, making fun of feelings, or a lack of proper emotional support in the past has such an impact on people that they start avoiding sharing their feelings with others.

5.2. Trust Issues

Trust issues are the biggest reason many do not share anything with others. If someone doesn’t trust another person, even in marriage or close relationships, they will avoid any emotional connection with you.

5.3. Low Self-Esteem

Some underestimate themselves and fear they might make fun of or leave them alone if they share their thoughts with someone. Therefore, they think it is best not to share their thoughts and to stay quiet.

Apathy is Challenging in Therapy.

Psychologist Dr. Mary Kate Roohan from Thrive and Feel discusses her tailored approach when working with individuals experiencing apathy:

“My primary response to clients [who are] presenting as apathetic is that they do not need to WANT to engage in the strategies I am suggesting.

I normalize that their apathy will [lead them to] feel like nothing will work. If I have an apathetic client, I need to take the extra time to validate the feelings of hopelessness and despair that are typically present.

I remind my clients that I will hold onto the hope that the treatment can be successful – they likely do not have access to the hope at that moment. 

Some of the strategies I use include cognitive restructuring and behavioral activation.

Cognitive restructuring techniques [are used to] challenge and alter negative thought patterns that often underlie feelings of apathy.

This approach encourages individuals to reframe their thinking to more adaptive interpretations of reality. Simultaneously, I employ behavioral activation strategies.

These are aimed at helping individuals gradually reintroduce rewarding activities into their daily lives, using a step-by-step approach that reduces feelings of overwhelm.”

6. Conclusion

Coping with the daily schedule doesn’t mean ignoring your personal life or the people who mean everything to you. After a busy day, try to take time for your family, hear them out, and share your thoughts. So that in the future, you do not have to worry about emotional intimacy and how you can strengthen it.

Give people time and spend quality time with your family. Spend time talking to each other and sharing your feelings and worries. Offer support and be open to honest conversations. Showing love and care can help create a strong emotional connection and lasting relationship. This will strengthen your bond, and you will continue to live happily.

Guest Author: Saket Kumar

1. Timmerman, Gayle M. “A concept analysis of intimacy.” Issues in mental health nursing 12.1 (1991): 19-30. ↩︎
2. Peplau, Letitia Anne, Zick Rubin, and Charles T. Hill. “Sexual intimacy in dating relationships.” Journal of Social Issues 33.2 (1977): 86-109. ↩︎
3. Mugge, Ruth, Jan PL Schoormans, and Hendrik NJ Schifferstein. “Emotional bonding with personalised products.” Journal of Engineering Design 20.5 (2009): 467-476. ↩︎