With the change in the scenarios around the globe, relationships are also shaping accordingly. People fall in love once they like each other, and after that, getting intimate is a very common thing these days. But the question also arises: why do guys distance themselves after intimacy?
Being intimate also gives you a lot of scope to have a better idea about your partner. It is also believed that, within three to four months of being in a relationship, a couple starts having intimacy.
Intimacy includes physical and emotional intimacy, but physical intimacy is the reason to discuss it. It is because it is considered that, after physical intimacy, guys distance themselves from their female partners.
1. How Does Intimacy Happen?
The human body is believed to be controlled by its mind, and it is the mind only where intimacy starts nestling around. When you are with your partner, you feel that comfort, care, and cushioned love that starts making you feel more attached to them.
This attachment grows, and with it, you start sharing things with them. And, as the trust grows more and more, you start feeling more emotionally attached.
This emotional attachment makes you have a strong emotional attachment with them, and with time, you start getting closer to each other, sharing each other’s life.
After being emotionally intimate, the physical intimacy kicks in, of sharing kisses, tight hugs, cuddling up, holding hands, and finally, sexual satisfaction.
This physical intimacy makes your bond stronger most of the time, and sometimes, in certain cases, it becomes the reason why your bond breaks. It is when the guy distances himself, and you start having intimacy issues.
2. Why Do Guys Distance Themselves After Intimacy?
After a luscious night of passionate sex, a girl feels so magical and wholesome that she wants to share every thought of her with her partner. But most of the time, the guy never looks back, and this is when she starts feeling bad.
It is after an amazing night, it all shapes up. When a girl wants to share her feelings and every pleasurable moment she experienced, all the thrills she felt, the guy is not ready to come up with a straight face to listen to all of those.
This is when you start questioning yourself and start wondering if this is it. But more than that, here are certain reasons why guys distance themselves after intimacy that you need to know.
2.1 The Chasing Game
At first, when any relationship is initiated, the initial chase is the one that gives you more thrill and makes you more enigmatic to get things better. It is because when both a guy and a girl are interested in each other properly, then only intimacy builds.
This flirting with each other is something that couples love to have among them. This makes their relationship sexier and happens to have.
It is also seen that guys are better at picking up the flirting signs than women whenever they get one from their partner. This makes the girls work easily by being less involved in saying out their hearts.
Apart from this, universally, it is also seen that girls love being chased more and more by their loved ones, and guys love chasing their partners for sexual intimacy.
So, with all the happenings, having physical intimacy becomes the base goal of the guy’s chase. And it is when sexual intimacy takes place the guy feels that his goal has to be achieved, and so distance starts building.
It is after you have slept with him, for him, the chase has been successfully achieved, and their curiosity is now satisfied. This makes them feel like they have already made it to the finish line, and this makes men pull away after intimacy.
In most cases, this becomes the reason that women have some kind of accomplishment and fulfillment. They just have no idea of what to do next. This is one of a reason why guys act weird after great sex.
2.2 Men Not Ready for a Relationship
Most of the time, after getting involved in a relationship, a couple starts getting intimate. This intimacy leads to sexual activity, bringing more intimacy between each other.
When the physicality is over, guys start to build distance, and this horrifies a girl. This is the time when she starts questioning her belief and starts assuming that it is her fault only.
But this is a matter of fact that the fault is never yours. It is just that you had taken him too seriously, and he was not ready for this serious commitment.
It should be kept in mind that you should not panic if he says he is no longer interested in you after intimacy. The thing that needs to be understood is that he might have come under certain situations where the ties of attachment would be gulping him, which he never planned to have.
This part mainly starts playing when you find that the guy is not ready for any kind of commitment. It is when the issue starts binding together.
But, this also works fine, up to the fact that he is honest and crystal clear about what his thoughts are. When he starts ghosting you after great sex, the emotional blunder happens.
It is at the start of any relationship when things are pretty cautious, and everything seems to be a cakewalk. But, when these kinds of situations arise, the hooked-up situation becomes a spiderweb, which seems quite confusing, and the emotional connection gets lost.
This is also to be kept in mind that people also have commitment phobia, and this is what stops them from being committed in a relationship. At this phase, this is never your issue; rather, you should take things slowly, and better to talk to a relationship expert.
2.3 You are scaring him Away
The idea of being loved is quite fragile, and everyone wants to hold this idea in a very cautious manner. And once the emotional attraction happens, the intimacy also starts growing.
It is after the night’s sex that he starts feeling more commitment issues, and most of the guys distance themselves. So, it would be better if you get this idea of fragile love after having a great night’s sex.
Most of the time, when a man withdraws, it is because they are scared of the enormity of emotional feelings that are going to flood their way. This feeling of being suddenly responsible for everything makes them fear a committed relationship.
This is a very normal thing to care that men do not are fond of having love and commitment. They are generally terrified of such specific emotional triggers, which makes them complicated creatures.
If a woman out of nowhere starts having a great time with him, starts doing things for him, making breakfasts, or loving with some more pampering, then there are higher chances he would start losing interest in it.
So, as a woman, this becomes your most certain duty of not freaking him away with loads of love and commitment. Rather, you should take things slow and make him wonder about his doings, through which he’ll reach to you.
2.4 He Did Not Enjoy Himself
Sexual pleasure is something that most people know about but are not that fortunate to witness it every time. It is due to this reason that guys start to become sex addicts.
But when a pleasurable thing does not allow you to have a certain amount of pleasure, then things start going downhill. But it is nothing to be worried about or blame yourself for this.
It may sting that you are not being enough to satisfy his pleasure, but sometimes accepting the facts is all that we can do. If a guy pulled after a great night, then there are higher chances of him not being satisfied and he did not enjoy the night.
2.4.1 Reasons
Whatever the reason is, there are certain things that you should not blame on yourself, and this is one among them. For instance, there is a chance that the night did not just go the way he planned.
For some reason, he might have had the sexual positions that you guys could not perform. There are also chances he overthought it, and within this, he was not able to enjoy the whole process.
This may sound quite bitter, but most guys distance themselves after intimacy as a man’s desire does not get satisfied. This may be the exact reason that would be hovering in his mind, and due to this strain, he would want to step down from this core attachment style.
Most women face this issue, and many guys pull due to this reason but do not start going behind him chasing. Take it upon your self-esteem and make up your mind to believe it is just a fling.
During this period, focus on yourself and believe in yourself as a feminine woman who would never give up on herself. This would harden your self-esteem and will make you stronger.
2.5 Being Clingy Never Helps
Most men do not know how to handle the clinginess, and when you start being clingy, they bail out. We have no idea that we are being clingy, but as soon as we start being clingy, they cannot handle it.
Guys mostly need a little more space to flourish and some space to behave so that they can let things unfold at a time. And, when their girlfriend starts being clingy, then there are higher chances of things going in the other direction.
Another thing that you need to keep in mind is that when a person needs this much space in general, then after intimacy, he needs a little more space to adjust. So, it’s better to back off after having great sex.
Do not just start love-bombing after you put on your clothes after sex. This will only make you seem more desperate.
So, if you want things to work out, then you need to stop yourself from clinging around, and this will make the guy realize the inferiority complex. So, leave him up to himself when he acts a bit weird.
This needs to be understood that your hanging around him is not going to help, so you better let him realize. Once the realization hits, you guys can both be great together.
2.6 Inferiority Complex Barges In
Out of hundreds of reasons why guys distance themselves after intimacy, having an inferiority complex is also something that needs to be addressed. When guys distance themselves after intimacy, they think that they are probably not that good in bed.
This is a state of mind where he thinks he is with someone whom he does not deserve. It makes them sick, and they start worrying about their performance more and more.
This thought process can keep them away from coming back to you and can be one of the reasons why he must have stopped contacting you. This is quite an inferior reason, but it is true.
Also, sometimes, when a guy starts liking a girl too much, he starts feeling that he is not enough for the girl. This is when he starts losing clarity and feels inferior to her.
It is the time when he needs some confidence to boost himself and some time to prepare himself to face reality. This is a natural process that, you may feel something is weird with you when a guy starts acting weird.
Looking deeply into the matter, every time, it’s not about you. Rather, the guy may be finding you too flawless, which is barging an inferiority complex with him.
So, this is a time when you should start believing in him more and ignite a specific emotional trigger within him. He may still be physically attracted to you, but he would need you to ask him more.
So, boost your guy’s low self-esteem and see how your relationship flourishes afterward. Once he starts believing in you, he will not pull away.
2.7 Hormonal Reasons
As they say, a human body is all that he thinks of. So, most of the time, it is the hormonal changes that are responsible for guys distancing themselves after intimacy.
So, the next time you see guys asking for space after intimacy, it is mostly due to their biology rather than anything else. Like regular human beings, men, too, have chemical power-down, just like a refractory period, right after they get an orgasm.
With some different kinds of research, there are also chances that some people may feel some negative energies or feelings, which can make them distance themselves after intimacy with their partners.
The biological change also holds the triggers of different hormones, which are responsible for our change in feelings. Just like that, we all have a prolactin hormone, which, when secretes, suppresses the expression of desire, and with this, you also feel sleepy and have a feeling of sexual satisfaction.
To make it simple in layman’s terms, an unaroused post-orgasm state is your testosterone levels in the body. This temporarily decreases a guy’s desire to have sexual activity, and this is why guys pull away.
Hence, sometimes it is not either in your hand or even in his hands to feel the way you both are feeling. This is just a hormonal change due to which you might blame yourself, which is not justified in any way possible.
2.8 He Wants to Take Things Slow
In general, there are different kinds of people while being in a relationship. A certain type of people, which are most likely girls, want to take things quite easily and faster than guys.
At the same time, guys want to take things comparatively slower than girls. This can be a reason why guys distance themselves after intimacy because they want to take things slowly.
Moreover, he does not want just to fulfill his wishes or just tick the boxes of dating someone. Rather, he wants to take things slow and enjoy the dating process bit by bit, with every corner.
You might also be in a serious relationship, and still, he would want to slow things down. Not every guy goes that, but if you find your man pulling away, then you must get a hint that he wants to slow things down.
This may sound lethal and illogical to you, but taking this seriously will worsen the situation. Only you can solve this issue by giving some time to the relationship.
Working on it, you may also discover that it is better to take things slowly and process them adequately than hurrying in any relationship and having a bad time with each other without understanding.
There can also be one specific emotional trigger, which can also be too intense for a man. So, you should give proper time and avoid him, acting distant.
2.9 Past Unpleasant Love Experiences
It is one of those facts that our past always haunts us. No matter whatever the situation we go through, we can never go out of trend from our past.
The same experience also plays quite an essential role in associating our relationship with our partner. This experience can also be the reason why a guy pulls away from his partner.
So, before blaming yourself for why men withdraw after intimacy, you must also consider the external factors, which can also be responsible. If your partner has had a very bad experience with his ex or any toxic relationship in the past, then your relationship can also be affected by that.
Not everyone is capable of moving on from their horrific experience easily, and he might be one of them. He still might be wandering about his terrifying experiences, and that can be the reason for playing a spoiled sport in your life.
However, one point comes when guys change, and most men go through this phase quite late in their lives. Until this time hits your man, they go through a lot of insecurities that they would have gained from their past negative experiences.
So, out of a hundred reasons why men pull away after intimacy, this is one of those reasons. A past unpleasant love experience can be too harmful in life, downgrading all your experiences.
Hence, it is better to give your man some breathing space to overcome his experience and allow him to take a bit longer before properly settling down with you.
2.10 Already in a Committed Relationship
When guys distance themselves after intimacy, most women start blaming themselves, believing the fault within them. But in real there are also other reasons which can play a vital role in shaping certainty.
The insecure attachment style of a guy can be due to his mindset, which gets affected because he might be in any other relationship. Already being in a relationship can start making him feel guilty, and as a defense mechanism, he might prefer to stay distant from you.
You need to understand that sleeping with you was always a breach of trust between him and his partner. This can make him feel very bad, and he can feel like cheating on his partner.
This feeling can be one of those basic reasons why he is avoiding you after that great sexual activity. At this point in life, he is cheating on his partner the most, but certainly, he also wants to mend things as his conscience gets him better in restricting from falling for you.
He wants to run away from you so that he does not get emotionally and romantically attached to you and worsen things more and more. This may seem quite complicated, but still, you should not feel bad about it and treat yourself right at first.
As they say, you cannot change a man overnight, and in the same way, you cannot change their behavior and their habits. So, it’s better if you start clearing out things at first and then start blaming yourself.
2.11 She Pays a Lot of Attention to Her Phone
In this modern time, we can find every single person getting attached to their phone all the time. It is also a fact that, without phones, it has become difficult to live a life normally.
But, when you are having some personal and intimate time with your partner, it is better not to be glued around your phone and just let yourself spend some quality time with him.
Being busy with phones can create a psyche of not being interested in him, and no matter how good your relationship is, he can start feeling bad for this. This can gradually become the reason why guys distance themselves after intimacy.
With different research, it has also been found that if you are hiding something in your phone or even in general, then there are higher chances that you are cheating on your partner. This can deviate the relationship, and your relationship can fall like a house of cards.
While you are with your partner, having some personal time, and you are talking to someone on the phone, this also creates quite a negative remark on your partner. This can also be one of the reasons why guys act weird after intimacy.
2.12 Experimentation in Bedroom
Sexual pleasure is something that needs to be addressed more and more in normal life so that people can truly understand how it affects them. Similarly, while having sex, it is better if you do it with different sexual positions.
Having sex in different sexual positions can make the bedroom experience more appealing, and even after a one-night stand, a guy can still feel the urge to be there with you. So, it is in the psyche of human beings to be attached to a person or not.
It can also be seen that when your partner is bored, and he wants more sex, then it can be just because he wants to perform in more sex positions. Doing so can make your experience also better.
If you are not performing in different sexual positions and are going on repeating the same position every night, then it can be one of those reasons why a guy pulls away after having intimacy.
3. How to Solve This Problem
Although this may sound quite an intimidating problem for you, it also has a solution there. Here are some of the resolutions to this issue.
3.1 Talking to Him Honestly
Although we talked about different possible situations which could have played an important role in making your relationship as such. Out of all that, in every situation, one point can be withdrawn that, sometimes, it is better to talk things out rather than beating the bushes.
It also becomes important to know how to start reacting to the situation after he starts avoiding you. You must remember that all you need to do is react quite positively as if you are hardly being hampered.
If you witness your man distancing himself after sex, then it is better to start talking to him with a straight face. An honest talk can clear out all the doubts, and this will bring more clarity into your relationship.
3.2 Giving Some Space
Every individual is different from others, and every person deals with problems differently. So, when you find your partner having an avoidant attachment style, then it is better to give them enough time to clear things out.
There are also chances that he might be having the chaos of thought, and to deal with that, his mind needs some proper time to be ready before jumping into a relationship.
3.3 Taking Relationship Advice
Being in a relationship never remains a cakewalk once this phase of pulling away comes. This is the time when you feel that there is no more power left within you to resolve this, and this is going out of your hands.
At this point, it is better if you start talking to a relationship expert. Doing so can make you bring more clarity into your relationship and also somehow ease your problems.
Seeking counseling support is never a bad idea to go for. If any time you find that your mental health is at stake, then it is better to start taking relationship advice.
We all often start taking our emotional toll quite illogically, making things go down the hill. But talking things out can be way more helpful than it seems, making things way easier than before.
3.4 Do not Panic
Apart from all of these things, another thing which becomes important is that you should not panic after this situation. For a guy, it is quite normal that he will withdraw after intimacy.
In this situation, it becomes important for you to take a step back and look at the situation vividly and get all the possible reasons why it all happened. This different perspective can provide you with better clarity to behave.
It is also necessary that you should not start blaming yourself for all the things that happened after the sex. Things can be better if you take the situation gently and do not treat yourself harshly until the recovery phase.
4. Conclusion
Being a sensitive topic of sex, this needs to be addressed with the utmost sensitivity. It is a matter of fact that, after ejaculation, men release serotonin, and this is the reason why they catch feelings after sex.
But, once the happening is over, mend tends to act weird, making things more complex. Although there are a lot of reasons for this happening, it is still better to directly investigate your partner about his weird behavior.
Although there is nothing wrong, when many guys start behaving weirdly after sex, it is still something that hampers their partner.
It will also make the situation quite easy if you figure out that the guy is playing games with you and is a bad guy. Because if it is so, then surely he holds no feelings for you, and it was nothing more than just a one-night stand.
In such cases, better investigate with a strong heart and do not let these small things discourage you. If this is the case, take it just as a fling and nothing serious.
Hence, here are some topics addressed and discussed. Along with that, certain precautionary measures are also noted.
Last Updated on by Sathi Chakraborty, MSc Biology
